Choosing Joy - Way 4 out of the Caregiving wilderness

Hands of joy swinging hangers, open to pray and receive grace; flapping, twirling, clapping, these hands know joy!  Recently these hands went to the hospital and it was unexpected.  Jeremiah had stopped breathing about 7 times before we got to the hospital. Then at the hospital while in ER Jeremiah stopped breathing another 2 times.  It was after the 2nd time that I reminded myself and my husband that we had chosen joy.

The conversation went something like this:  "Remember we have chosen joy for Jeremiah." (me)

Looking at me tiredly like I had fallen off the moon, Dwayne said: "I guess we did." 

About a month ago Dwayne and I while doing dishes had a hard conversation.  I asked how does one do caregiving well when the results are death?  One of us, Jeremiah, Dwayne or I will die and this is how our relationship will end.  We don't know who will go first.  How will we live these days ahead of us?  Dwayne answered with one beautiful word - Joy.  We will live these days with joy.

As my hands sat in the warm water and I considered what this looked like, my heart was as warm as the water.  Joyful, perfect.

Then the test came...the ER and hospital time.

I began to sing one of Jeremiah's favorite songs.  About 10 minutes later he "woke" up, he was awake before but this was different.  He sat up straighter and smiled.  He then started with the laugh and with his morning song.  MaMaMaMa, then to Good, Good, Good.  Each statement sung together carefully swinging his hanger.  The nurses came in and check up and smiled.  Joy had returned to our corner of the hospital.

IVs, Blood work, CT scan, and finally a catheder...oh boy!  Yet we sang and expressed our joy while in the midst of all the body slamming.  Don't get me wrong, the nurses were fantastic, but all these tests are still hard on a body.  

After all the unconclusive tests we moved to a hospital room where three weary yet joyful travelers took a deep sigh. As they hooked up all the monitors, electrodes (for tests), and yet more blood work.  We sang, we talked, we expressed joy.

I like to say we did well.  I only gather that because we became the favorite room on our floor.  As people visited and smiled.  Jeremiah's selection of hangers, twirly objects filling the room and I'm sure the candy we brought the staff didn't hurt either!  

We return home after 2 days not any smarter than we left.  But we practice joy in the midst of fear, panic and sorrow; the test results of grace filled our hearts and the hearts of others.

My friends wilderness days are ahead for you.  What will you choose?   

Peace to you, Georgia